Why am I telling this story?
To help to give some insight into what I will and won't do as a journalist, what I think a journalist should and shouldn't do, and what I think professional TV executives should and shouldn't do.
Two Saturdays ago I attended an extremely well-produced TV awards show.
Afterwards as everyone filed out and enjoyed drinks in the swanky lobby I was talking to a broadcast television CEO about how truly great I thought the award show production values were.
That is when - just over an hour or so before midnight - another TV executive happened to walk past me with his younger daughter. He recognised me first, and came to us and said hello.
Although I was in the middle of a conversation, I said hello and shook hands, he said hello, and he introduced me to his younger daughter.
Here I have to say that I honestly and sincerely do not think the person has any animosity towards me or harbours any grudges, but he made things extremely awkward by suddenly in a sense "confronting" me - in front of the CEO - by saying, but essentially "telling" his daughter, that "he" (meaning me) "always wrote bad about us".
Now, if you stay silent in life when someone says something that you don't agree with, you are implicitly, complicit. What you are saying by saying nothing, is that you agree.
Now, if you stay silent in life when someone says something that you don't agree with, you are implicitly, complicit. What you are saying by saying nothing, is that you agree.
Let me also say that I'm not and wasn't the least bit offended, that I don't believe I'm predisposed to "always write bad" about anything, and that as a journalist I like to hear from people and their views irrespective of whether its "good" or "bad". I can handle it.
Also, if I "wrote bad" about anybody or anything, whatever that means, believe me - they most likely fairly deserve it - and I know that I probably also take the time to also report and note the reason(s) why it's the case so people and places can do better (if they want to).
What made the situation difficult was that the person initiated a conversation, and tried to bring my professional reputation as a reporter, into the mix - in front of his daughter.
How do you "fight" back or defend yourself when it will involve - to whatever degree - diminishing the reputation or stature of the other person in front of their child?
I didn't need to make a decision.
I knew that I was not going to engage in any kind of this type of conversation with the dad in front of his child and possibly spoil what is supposed to be a very nice "lets go to this event/live experience together to add a family memory".
Whether in my personal or professional life, I'm not ever going to shame a parent and point out their errors or ask him to expand further on his view, or recollection of past experiences (that is different than mine) in front of a daughter.
Very firmly I said "No, I don't always write bad about you. What I will say is that I believe that whatever I report and write is fair".
The dad and daughter wandered off and I think I felt most badly for the CEO who was extremely graceful and who really also interacts with all kinds of people across the emotional intelligence scale.
The dad TV exec wasn't angry or aggressive but chose such an (inappropriate) moment to share his feeling about something, which came across as a type of an inappropriate throw-away comment for the moment.
Yet it's something that I could see was something he really just wanted to say.
Now, from my side, as I've said, I'm not going ever going to get into any argument with anyone in front of their kids. Oprah taught us that if you shame the parent, you shame the child.
Notes to TV world people: If a publication, journalist, reporter or the media wronged you or you feel you've been unjustly framed, portrayed or reported on - reach out and make contact and talk to the reporter - when it happens.
Irrespective of what you might think, they/we/I like hearing from you - about the "breaking bad" and the "breaking good".
Don't wait 8 years while something is eating at your soul and then run up to a person when you co-incidentally happen to pass them somewhere in public. It's unprofessional.
If you feel really strongly about something, don't wait to talk shop at a random occasion where the social etiquette is to do small-talk.
It felt like the family members you sometimes get at weddings and funerals who you haven't seen in years and haven't made any effort to stay in contact, who suddenly use the wedding reception or family gathering as the inappropriate place to discuss or bring up awkward memories, recollections or issues they now want to sort out.
(Did you take grandma's gold watch? She promised it to me. I'm wondering where that watch is. I know you took it, and you never loved her like I did. You must give it to me.")
You really couldn't put in some effort if you feel so strongly about something that you couldn't reach out sooner?
What would I have done or said if the dad wasn't standing with his daughter? I would have said "don't you want to call or email me on Monday so we can set up a meeting time to discuss your concerns?"
When professional people are serious about something, that is what they do.
Be professional in public as a professional person.
And complain. Complain a lot. Complain directly to the right people who can do something about it.
And do it in the right place, and at the right time (not an hour before midnight), instead of throwing something out the window in front of your kid in a drive-by.
