It's so surrealistically bad it's hard to believe its real, but Health Talk started on the SABC's new SABC News (DStv 404) TV news channel as a new (unintentionally hilarious, superlatively bad) health talk show.
The terrible first episode featured breastfeeding HIV mothers who had babies with them in the studio - babies who screamed and made so much noise it was hard to hear as they drowned out the voices of their mothers. Babies who played with their mother's mics, and one even ripping the mom's mic off who simply continued talking.
Whoever produced this unintentionally hilarious hot mess of TV trash needs to fired.
The SABC issued no press material, press information, synopsis, weekly programme summary, publicity images, press release or programme profile about Health Talk to South African TV critics and writers before its debut on Saturday and didn't respond with information to requests the past week seeking basic publicity information about specific SABC News programming such as this show.
The first episode of Health Talk on SABC News was the lowest quality TV production I've seen on South African television in a long time.
What inexperienced producer in their right mind has babies on set and is clearly clueless as to the specialised production skills required for small children on set and the specialised sound, guest management, and other skill sets needed?
In the massive fail of Health Talk's astoundingly bad debut episode taking place on the set usually used for SABC2's Morning Live, viewers were "teated" to the one mother giving a boob to her baby and then breastfeeding during the show.
The interviews were marked with terrible sound quality due to babies drowning out their moms and one even ripping off the mom's mic and throwing it down.
The producers and host carried on without intervening or removing the show-and-tell babies which added nothing to the conversation or topic and instead completely detracted and derailed the intended discussion for viewers.
The unexpected file footage inserted as part of the discussion of half naked women sitting with their exposed breasts in hospital shown pumping milk out of their nipples and into glass containers was jarring.
Health Talk gave not the slightest kind of warning first to viewers. Or perhaps SABC News is of the opinion that none is needed for bare breasts squirting out milk on daytime television.
"Hello and welcome to the very first edition of Health Talk on SABC News. I am your host Pagamile Makamdela," said the jovial host dressed in a bad white (TV's biggest "no" colour!) collared shirt and tired brown jacket.
"Now this is a show that will inform and educate you about all aspects of your health,'' he said.
And informed and educated we were.
We were informed and educated that Portia's baby was more interested and saw the cameraman and floor manager and pointed to them when she was not making noises into her mother's mic.
The extremely animated Portia told viewers among other things about having had to terminate another baby and that she was never taught how to express milk from her breasts which left her with scars. It was all truly riveting in a Jerry Springer kinda way, but eventually the presenter finally decided to interrupt Portia and to move to Lindiwe.
We were also informed and educated that babies' like Lindiwe's little one will see and want to play with something like a sensitive lapel mic and will not stop - which is why babies and little children on set are not generally a good idea - something all experienced producers and presenters know.
We were also informed and educated that the combined baby noises of two babies can drown out the voices of three talking adults ("BA-BA-BA!").
Lindiwe's babe kept grabbing her mic, causing major sound interference and ongoing crackling and distortion. With the baby's mouth right in front of the mic, viewers of course also heard more (and louder) baby than Lindiwe.
The baby eventually pried the lapel mic loose as Lindiwe kept talking. After ripping off and swinging the lapel mic through the air a few times, the baby eventually threw it down. Lindiwe, mic-less, kept talking.
Lindiwe ended up breastfeeding her baby on the air later because when babies are hungry they must eat.
